A lot of your stress can be reduced by improving the way you communicate with others. This starts by how you respond to what you observe.
| Observation | You use your senses to describe what happened |
| Evaluation | To assess or judge based on your values |
By first observing what you heard or saw, then confirming with whomever is involved that your evaluation is accurate before responding, you can reduce a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict.
“What I hear you saying is….”
“It sounds like you are saying…”
Once you are clear about what you observed, own your emotional response to it:
“When you took credit for the work we did, I felt unappreciated which made me feel angry.”
“You made me angry because you took all the credit for the work we did!”
No one can make you feel a particular way. Your feelings are yours. This is important because a defensive statement often causes the other person to feel attacked, increasing the likelihood that the conversation will lead to a conflict.
Your feelings provide insight into a need that you have that is not being met. In the above example, your colleague took credit for both of your work, which caused you to feel unappreciated and angry. If you have an ongoing working relationship with that person, it is important to discuss your need for acknowledgment.
Once you have determined what need you have that is not being met, you can then determine what request you can make that is actionable and does not create unnecessary conflict.
“It is important to me that I am recognized for my portion of our work. Going forward, please acknowledge my contribution.”
It is hard to be in two places at once. When you are in the emotional brain, your thinking is impaired. If you are feeling insecure emotions, one way to stop the pattern is to name it. This will shift you into your thinking brain and out of the emotional brain. This is useful when engaged in conflict with others and within yourself.
Some of your stress comes from your inner critic. Unkind thinking, which is often subconscious, can create insecure feelings. When you find yourself there, intentionally redirect your attention to something positive. With practice, these positive thoughts will come more naturally.
Much of what we are exposed to today creates a stress response within us:
It is important to stay informed in subjects that are important to you and affect your life. Instead of exposing yourself to opinions, I encourage you to utilize a news source that just shares information without opinions, such as Epoch Times.
Sometimes there is no avoiding conflict or stress, so it is nice to have a fast and effective tool to help you calm down.
The physiological sigh is a pattern of breathing where you do a double inhalation, followed by an extended exhalation, which effectively calms you down.
Inhale through your nose. Before you exhale, do another inhale, which is often short and quick. Then exhale, but try to elongate it.
Sometimes just one physiological sigh is all you need, but if one doesn’t calm you down, try other one or two.
Step into Action
| Explore more | Fire Element of the Cleansing Lifestyle Program |
| The Physiologic Sigh | Video from Andrew Huberman |